


On Sera l'Été (Lorsque l'Hiver est Terminé)

by Etoiles_Filantes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Canon Compliant, Drinking, F/F, Grief, Historia being a good mum, Memories, Mild Sexual Content, Weddings, mild depictions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 19:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10905846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etoiles_Filantes/pseuds/Etoiles_Filantes
Summary: Five times Historia's mind turned to memories of the woman she had loved, and one time Ymir's could not.





	On Sera l'Été (Lorsque l'Hiver est Terminé)

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to Hajime Isayama.

**1.**  
”You’re it!” a snaggle toothed kid yelled as his hand collided with Historia’s back, the force of impact making her stumble slightly. The rest of the children were quickly making their way away from her, their small legs pumping faster than what should be physically possible.

Historia came to a stop, and after a few moments, so did the kids, although a safe distance away. If she waited a bit, they would come a bit closer and she would be able to catch one without too much hassle. Or she could go after the nearest, a redheaded boy of maybe ten years, who always seemed a bit more adventurous than his mates.

But neither options would be much fun.

Historia broke into a sudden sprint, making her way towards the biggest cluster of kids. The group promptly dissipated in loud screams of glee, all running as far away from her as possible. 

A smile crept onto Historia’s face as she continued the chase. Her breaths were short and her legs pumping in a way they had not since her trainee days, at times when Shadis had felt particularly cruel and decided a race for who would be allowed a full portion at dinner was appropriate. In her current position as queen of the Walls, no one would even dare to suggest she participated in such a thing. This was the closest she would ever get, playing with the kids from her orphanage on a day she permitted herself a few hours off.

”She’s closing in, hurry up!!” one of the kids in front of her yelled as she herself sped up.

 _What a stupid move,_ the soldier in Historia thought. _She’ll tire quicker that way. She can’t -_

 

_” - go on like this! Like, I know the girl’s got stamina, but that’s just impossible!”_

_Krista looked up from her dinner and followed the gazes of the boys next to her. The girl from earlier (’potato girl’ as her fellow trainees had now dubbed her) was still carrying out her punishment, running at a steady pace as though her stomach was not hurting and the sun had not shined down mercilessly down on her for hours. Krista could not surpress a small flinch of sympathy._

_”I kind of feel bad for her,” one of the boys said – Samuel, she remembered._

_”Same. But it’s her own fault,” his friend pointed out as he took another bite of his bread. ”She really shouldn’t’ve eaten that potato in front of the instructor.”  
Samuel let out a short laugh. ”Nah, but it was pretty entertaining for the rest of us.” His friend seemed to agree._

_Krista turned her attention back to the meal in front of her. The stew seemed to stare back, as if it would rather be eaten by the girl running outside. Krista did not blame it._

_Slowly, she reached out and broke a piece off the bread to her right and stuffed it under her blouse, before reluctantly carrying on with her meal. She would need the strength, she knew, for the next part of the training._

_As soon as the meal was over and the sun gone down, signalling the end of the potato girl’s punishment, Krista peered out of the doorway of the dining cabin. There was no one in sight, as predicted, but the other girl. She was hardly more than stumbling now. slowly and unsurely making her way towards a small fire by one of the buildings. She did not even manage to get that far (_ pathetic, _a small voice in Krista’s mind whispered) before collapsing on the ground, her whole body heaving for air._

_Krista stepped out of the cabin and approached her, clutching the lump of bread and a flask of water in her arms. Unconsciously, she noticed a small sniffing sound, but her mind had no time to properly register it before the potato girl had lifted herself on all fours and made a jump, that really should not be physically possible, towards her, completely knocking her off her feet. The bread was gone from her hands as if it had never been there._

_Krista recovered from the shock quickly and looked over to see the potato girl (was she even human?) standing on all fours a few meters away, gnawing at the bread in her mouth. Suddenly, she stood up and, adding to Krista’s growing confusion, barked out the word ’bread!’._

_”I’m afraid that was all I could save you,” Krista said slowly, eyes fixed on the definitely-not-quite-human in front of her._

_The girl turned around, as if she had not noticed the other’s presence before, eyes wide in suprise._

_”But,” Krista continued, ”you should drink some water first.” She held out the flask._

_The potato girl was in front of her before she even had time to blink, hands gripping onto her shoulders in a way that probably should be more painful than it felt.  
”God?!” the girl yelled into her face. ”Are you … a goddess?!”_

_Krista was speechless. This was not going anything like she had planned._

_”Oi, what are you doing?”_

_Krista’s head instinctively swung towards the direction of the voice. A tall woman with dark hair and freckless looked down on them, the sullen expression on her face only brought out more by the fire illuminating it. Out of the corner of her eye, Krista could see the potato girl devouring the bread in her hands with an appetite only rivalled by that of a titan’s, but she herself was far more intrigued by the woman in front of them._

_”Well,” she answered shakily, ”she’s been running all day long … ”_

_The freckled woman subtly raised her eyebrow. ”Seems to me like you’re just trying to do a good deed.”_

_Krista let out a yelp of indignation. The potato girl roughly swallowed the last of the bread before promptly passing out on Krista’s lap._

_Unperturbed by either of those happenings, the woman continued. ”Was it just for the sake of the potato girl? Do you find your efforts worthwhile?”_

_Krista looked up at her, completely at loss of what to say. She was right, of course, but damn her if that was something Krista would ever admit._

_The freckled woman closed her eyes. ”Whatever. Let’s just carry her off to bed.” She proceeded to step forward and pick up the (probably) unconscious girl from Krista’s lap._

_For some reason, Krista felt anger flare up inside her. ”Aren’t you trying to do a good deed as well?”_

_”I’m just doing her a favour to put her in my debt,” the woman answered with a face completely devoid of any hint of emotion. ”Her stupidity could come in handy later.”_

_A part of Krista she thought she had hidden away long along sighed dreamily. For once in a very long time, Krista found herself agreeing. She stood up to join the woman (”Ymir”, she announced on their way to the barracks) and -_

 

\- caught up to the girl, hand softly making contact with the rough fabric of her tunic as she yelled out a ”got you!”, causing the girl to stop and groan in slight annoyance.

”That’s not what you’re supposed to say!” one of the other kids she’d been chasing yelled from where he was standing, a safe distance away.

”What,” Historia’s voice cut off. She swallowed before continuing. ”What am I supposed to say then?”

”You’re supposed to say ’tag, you’re it!’” another kid yelled.

”Yes,” Historia muttered under her breath. ”yes, that was it.”

 

 

 **2.**  
Historia crossed her legs and shifted her attention from the man speaking at the end of the table to the notes in front of her for the fifth time in as many minutes. On the notes were pictures, impossible pictures, of water meeting horizon and animals she had not in her wildest dreams imagined existing. The ocean, Armin had called it back in their trainee days. The ocean, now discovered to be the only thing seperating them from a new group of people with the complete extermination of her own in mind.

Historia forced her eyes away from the papers again. The man at the end of the table was pointing at a map now, a map of their island (”Paradis”, Eren had said. ”They call it Paradis.”).

”The scouts reported earlier, that what they assume is the last free group of titans are to be found in this area,” the man announced, finger hitting what looked like a small cluster of trees. ”They don’t seem to be moving towards the walls, so I suggest we send a small force to get rid of them as early as next week, maybe the week after.”

”Shouldn’t we just capture them?” a nearly completely bald man chimed in. He looked around briefly before continuing. ”If they really are people, as the titan boy keeps saying, should we not capture and see if we can find any way to transform them back instead of just killing them?”

Murmurs spread around the table, some doubting, others almost angry.

Historia sighed and looked out the window at the busy street below. A market seemed to have formed in the time the meeting had taken place. She saw a mother handing her small son an apple as red as blood, and a young man dressed in a blue tunic, a nobleman, probably, trying to get away from his life for but a short moment. Her eyes lingered on him for a bit, a hint of pity finding its way into her head, gone as soon as it had arrived. Her gaze moved, this time landing on a young girl -

 

_\- all but dragging her along. As soon as they had arrived at the market, Ymir had grabbed the sleeve of her blouse (”If I lose sight of you, I’ll never be able to find you again, shrimp.”), but in the time they ha walked around, hands had travelled and were currently clasped together tightly._

_Ymir strode along, skillfully weaving in and out of the crowd, Krista having to nearly run to keep up the pace._

_Suddenely, Ymir came to a halt._

_”What is it?” Krista asked, craning to neck to be able to see the other’s face._

_”You hungry?” was all she got in return._

_”I suppose. What are you suggesting?”_

_Ymir nodded towards a vendor a few meters from them. A plump woman was turning what looked like a pancake, occasionally adding chopped vegetables from a bowl to her left. There were not a lot of customers, but enough to keep the business going, Krista deduced. She turned to Ymir once again and shrugged._

_A few minutes later they were walkinh again, free hands holding tight on the food they had bought. Or, Krista had bought, after a short but intense quarrel that ended in a stepped on foot and an adorably pouting Ymir._

_”That guy looks like the instructor,” said woman announced as she stuffed the last of the food into her mouth._

_Krista followed her gaze, eyes finding a middle aged man with a head completely devoid of hair._

_”Because he’s bald?” she asked, getting her answer from the growing smirk on Ymir’s face._

_”You’re hopeless,” she sighed._

_Ymir bumped her shoulder lightly. ”You know you love me.”_

_”You wish,” Krista shot back, making Ymir cackle._

_”Harsh,” she said. ”what about that kid over there? He kind of looks like that tall dude.”_

_”Ymir, he’s soaking wet. Bertholdt just sweats a little when he’s nervous.”_

_”A little? More like buckets. Also, first name basis, huh? Should I be worried?”_

_”You’re horrible.”_

_”Ya love me.”_

_”I do not.”_

_”You do so.”_

_”Do not.”_

_”Do so.”_

_”Shut up.”_

_Ymir cackled again. ”Sorry, darlin’. Let me make it up to you?”_

_Krista’s eyes narrowed. ”What do you have in mind this time?”_

_Ymir’s smirk widened again as she nodded towards a larger building to their left. A sign was hanging above the door, a slightly anatomically incorrect rooster staring down at them. The glass it held in its wing quickly gave away the nature of the establishment._

_”The guy that made that sign must’ve spent too long in there beforehand,” Krista noted as she followed Ymir inside, promptly vowing to chop off her nose as soon as they got back to the barracks. The mere stench of the place was making her feel lightheaded._

_”Two pints if you would, and none of that stinkin’ piss,” Ymir said to the man behind the counter and nodded to some of the bottles in front of them. She proceeded to pull out a chair and offered her hand to Krista in a way probably meant to resemble a nobleman asking a lady to dance. Krista surpressed a smile and played along, holding her scrunched nose high as she accepted the hand and climbed onto the chair. Ymir claimed property of the one next to her._

_”So,” she started, chin on hand. ”come here often?”_

_Krista giggled and mirrored her pose. ”Can’t say I do. How do you propose I proceed?”_

_”Well,” Ymir replied and accepted the glasses handed to them by the bartender. ”I’d say you should chug as if your life depended on it.” She clinked her glass with Krista’s and followed her own advice, Krista once again mirroring her before breaking into a violent cough._

_”Not prepared for the taste?” Ymir asked._

_”Not quite,” Krista croaked out and cleared her throat._

_”Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Just go slow,” Ymir said with a small smile before taking another gulp of her own drink._

_Krista returned the smile and took a sip of the drink again. It was not all that bad, she supposed, especially as Ymir started talking again. Focusing on her voice made it easier to ignore the taste, and she found herself loosening up as more and more liquid made its way inside her._

_”By the Walls, are you drunk?” Ymir asked after Krista completely missed the handle of the glass, nearly sending the glass flying to the floor._

_For some reason her question sent Krista into a fit of giggles. ”Maybe … no?”_

_Ymir’s eyes widened. ”You really are.” A small smirk appeared on her face. ”I should’ve known, you’re so tiny.”_

_Krista gasped dramatically. ”How dare you! I’m not drunk, I would-wouldn’t get drunk!”_

_Ymir let out a loud, barking laugh. ”Oh my, we really ought to get you back to the barracks before you hurt yourself or something.”_

_”I’m perfectly fine! I can - ” Krista nearly swallowed her tongue. She loudly cleared her throat before continuing, speaking being annoyingly difficult. ”I can take of myself, thank you veeery much, miss!” Content with herself, Krista took another swig of beer._

_”Yeah, that’s obvious. But let’s still go back, okay? We don’t want the instructor mad at us, do we?” Ymir asked. She quickly payed the bartender and, before Krista managed to say a word in protest, lifted her down from the chair._

_”I can walk for myself. With myself. By myself,” Krista slurred._

_”Sure you can, champ. Now let’s get outta here.”_

_The walk to the door was easy, there were lots of tables around to grap onto after all. Transporting oneself outside was a completely different case._

_”I dun’ wanna, it’s coold!” Krista complained for the third time. She could feel Ymir sigh by her side._

_”Well, you gotta, princess, otherwise we’ll just have to sleep here and that’ll be even colder!”_

_Krista came to a sudden stop, causing Ymir to stumble slightly. She turned and looked up at her, flush high on her cheeks._

_”You’re so nice,” she said. Ymir spluttered slightly. ”Like, you try to seem so tough and indiff, indiffer, indiffernt, but on the inside you’re just so nice.”_

_”I can assure you, that’s not the case. If you get lost out here I’ll be in trouble, that’s all,” Ymir said._

_Krista snorted and linked her arms around Ymir’s neck. ”Liar, liar, pants on fiiire,” she sang, dragging Ymir down so their eyes were levelled. Ymir’s were wide, and up close, the slight blush on her cheekbones was clearly visible. Krista could count her freckles, if she wanted to. And if her brain would do her a favour and become able to go beyond the number seven._

_”You’re pretty,” she whispered. Ymir shakingly raised an eyebrow. The look on her face was so cute Krista could not help herself but press a sloppy kiss to her lips. Ymir tensed beneath her, but returned the kiss softly for a brief second before pulling away. If Krista felt a little hurt by the action she refused to acknowledge it._

_”We need to get back,” Ymir whispered, her arms finding their way around Krista’s waist. ”But let’s continue that another time, yeah? Preferably sober.”_

_Krista could only nod in response, suddenly feeling very dizzy. Before she could think much, she turned slightly and threw up what felt like the entire content of her stomach. She felt Ymir rubbing her back, softly telling her that she was going to be -_

 

”- alright, your Majesty?”

Historia looked away from the window. The noblemen and military higher-ups were looking at her, worry or annoyance clear on their faces.

She swallowed softly. ”Yes, Gustav, thank you. My apologies, ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I was slightly distracted.”

”All forgiven, your Majesty,” the man standing in front of the map, the same as earlier, said. ”We were merely discussing the information extracted from the Marleyan we captured from one of the ships they sent. There are more on the way, but only reconnaissance at the moment.”

”Eren dealt with that ship, did he not?” Historia asked.

”Yes, your Majesty, we were lucky he happened to be there,” the man answered.

”Then have him take care of it. And let Armin help – it would be a good opportunity for him to get the hang of his titan ability,” Historia said.

The man hesitated for a moment. ”So it shall be, lady Historia.”

 

 

 **3.**  
The air outside was warm, but cooler than the stuffiness inside, and Historia could finally breathe. She slid through the balcony doors and walked to the railing, hands gripping until her knuckles were completely white. Air filled her lungs, quickly at first, but slower as she calmed down. The music from inside could still be heard, but it was not as deafening as it had been in the party hall.

Historia released her grip and wiped her sweaty palms in the soft, cream evening gown now shielding her body from the slight wind. She would need to go in soon, but for now she could allow herself to breathe; to pretend the tasks thrust upon her did not exist.

She leaned back on the railing, face looking up, up, up. The stars were beginning to come out, and she could make out a few constellations, although not remember the names. They’d been taught to her during training – the soldiers needed to be able to navigate using only the stars. The soldiers needed to be able to do lots of things to survive, yet they never did.

”Your majesty?”

Historia forced her mind back to earth. A young woman, probably around Historia’s own age, possibly a little older, stood in front of her, a respectful few meters away. Her dress was a beautiful crimson and her hair neatly in place. A noblewoman, most likely. Too young to be married just yet.

The young woman cleared her throat. ”Is everything alright, your Majesty?”

”Yes,” Historia said and forced a smile, ”of course it is.”

The young woman smiled. ”That gladdens me to hear. I saw you leaving earlier, and I found myself worrying. I hope I am not intruding?”

A soft blush had appeared on the woman’s face. Historia pretended not to notice.

”Not at all. I find myself falling short on your name, I am afraid. Care to enlighten me?” she asked.

”Brigitta. Lady Brigitta Miel. My father owns a wine production firm,” the young woman, Brigitta, added.

”I have heard of it.” He was one of the noblemen always refusing to fund the Survey Corps in the past. ”The wine is delightful.”

Brigitta smiled. ”It is an honour to hear you say so, your Majesty. I do not suppose I might be so bold as to invite you to taste the first flask of the year in a few month’s time?”

”You have the power to do so?” Historia asked.

Brigitta smiled and walked closer, settling a small meter away, leaning on the railing as well. ”I am the sole heiress of my father’s firm. He is already preparing me to take over.” Her voice was filled with pride.

”That’s wonderful,” Historia found herself saying. Brigitta’s bodice seemed even more low-cut up close.

”I am looking very much forward to it,” the woman continued. ”It will bring with quite a few … opportunities.”

Historia quirked an eyebrow. ”Such as?”

”Such as my own choice in when and with whom I place my hand in marriage.” Their eyes were locked now, although Historia was not sure when exactly that had happened. ”And, of course … what happens before that.”

Historia swallowed again. ”I see.”

Brigitta moved again, now mere centimeters from Historia, who did not pull away. ”Of course, you, as queen, have the same rights.” Her hand was on Historia’s arm now, skin softly touching skin, sending well known shivers down her spine.

”You are correct,” she said, voice barely quivering. ”I do.”

Brigitta smiled, her lips seeming impossibly more red that they had been earlier. When she spoke again, it was in hardly more than a whisper. ”You are a beautiful woman, your Majesty, yet I hear you never make use of it.”

Those red lips ghosted over the shell of Historia’s ear, and she sucked in a breath. Slowly, she moved her head, eyes moving to Brigitta’s lips before moving up and - 

 

_\- her pupils were hugely dilated. The sight made Krista shiver in anticipation._

_Then she was back down, lips touching lips, biting, licking, moving. She could feel her on her neck, softly, as not to leave any marks, then futher down, lips meeting collarbone, chest, ribs, belly button. The touch was impatient, as Krista felt, and she whined softly when she felt teeth slowly drag over her hip bone. It was maddening and overwhelming and amazing and_ not enough.

_Her hand moved to Ymir’s hair, fingers weaving through long strands before tugging slightly, causing Ymir to gasp softly. Her hands clenched almost painfully on Krista’s thighs, but she had no time to register it fully before Ymir moved again and nothing mattered but the sensations flowing through her body at a mind blowing speed._

_Historia threw her head back, mouth agape. Her hands moved from Ymir’s hair to the pillows by her head, grasping like her life depended upon it. This was not something Krista could have, the sensations she felt too much for the person she had created. Krista was giving, Historia needy and ready to take what she wanted. And she wanted_ this.

_Another wave of sensation hit and she was soaring. Her breath had become ragged, her skin slick with sweat. She wanted more and Ymir provided. Her body was losing all control; she surrendered fully. Her brain felt like it was imploding and with a cry she -_

 

\- backed away in repulsion.

Brigitta’s eyes flew open, mimicking her mouth. Her hair was a mess and her lipstick smeared.

Historia felt her stomach turn, suddenly feeling an urge to throw up, to rid her mouth of the waxy taste. She surpressed it, opting instead to fix the sleeves on her dress and smooth the skirt before turning and walking towards the ballroom once again, ignoring the yell to wait thrown at her back.

Instinctively, she wiped her hand on her dress once again before opening the balcony doors and stepping through the curtains, a mask of polite pokerface back on her face, leaving the woman on the balcony to gather herself, and the memory of what had happened as well as the feeling of dirtiness that accompanied it buried deep inside her mind.

 

 

 **4.**  
”Move!” a voice rang out, leaving Historia barely enough time to jump aside before a carriage drove past her at an alarming pace. She caught a quick glimpse of an older woman looking disapprovingly down at her from the window, then the carriage was gone, disappeared behind the next corner.

Historia let out a huff as she pulled the hood of her cape further down to cover her face and continued walking. Getting recognised was not something she could afford at the moment. Sneaking out unnoticed of the heavily garded castle she was supposed to call home was hard enough. Sneaking out when her guards knew she might do it would be nearly impossible.

She could have picked a better day, though. Clouds had been gathering all morning and only continued to do so when she left in the early afternoon. Given the dark grey of the sky, she would be lucky if she managed to make it back before the rain started.

The soft ringing of bells in the distance drew Historia out of her thoughts. The sound loudened as she walked further, revealing at last its place of birth: a Wallist church where a large group of people had gathered.

Historia quickly withdrew into the small alley of which she had come. From there, she could still see the commotion and still hear the rise in shouts as a man and a woman excited the building. The man was clad in an expensive looking dark suit with way too many frills on the shirt for Historia’s taste, the woman in a creamy white dress, holding a colourful bouquet. They were both smiling.

The woman turned to face the crowd, shouting something that did not quite reach Historia’s ear before throwing the bouquet. The crowd went wild, shrill screams -

 

_\- pierced the air._

_Krista turned and unleashed her 3DMG, body swiftly moving towards the sound. She unsheathed her swords midair, mentally thanking herself upon arrival._

_A titan was holding the emitter of the scream in a death grip, slowly lifting her towards its mouth as if unsure whether or not it was what it was supposed to do.  
Krista wasted no time. Ignoring the fear building inside she took off, hooks gripping on the building opposite of her, placing the titan right in the middle. When reaching it, she swung down her swords, missing the nape with almost half a meter._

_The titan let out a groan and drew both hands back, dropping the woman in the process. Her body hit the ground with a sickening sound, but Krista paid it no mind as the titan turned its attention fully to her. Their eyes met and Krista almost let out a laugh at the confused look on the creature’s face._

_It approached slowly, neither breaking eye contact, and held out its arms. Krista lifted her swords and braced herself. She could not kill a titan on her own, she knew that, but dying in the line of duty did not sound like the worst way to go …_

_”If you take the right arm I’ll take the left.”_

_Krista’s head snapped to her right. Ymir was standing there, smirking as if attacking a titan was something to laugh at._

_She pointed at the titan with her sword and continued. ”After that, I’ll go after its eyes and you take the nape, got it?”_

_Krista simply nodded, not knowing what else to do._

_”Great,” Ymir smiled as she took off, Krista following shortly in her wake._

_The titan hardly screamed as it lost its arms, but it most certainly did when Ymir plunged her swords deeply into its eye sockets. Its whole body was trashing, causing Krista to nearly fall off its back, but she kept her balance and swiftly made the cut that send the creature falling._

_Ymir met her back on the ground, smile wide, and threw a steaming arm over her shoulders._

_”That’s my Krista!” she exclaimed, as she had done earlier that day when they had found the nearly catatonic Armin after the annihilation of his squad._

_”Marry me then,” Krista croaked out. The titan had landed on the woman from earlier, and the evaporation of its corpse was revealing more and more of her broken body._

_Ymir turned her head to face her, an expression of surprise clear on her face. Krista’s eyes darted up to meet hers, and for a moment they just stood there, until -_

 

\- a scream rang out above the others. A woman, who looked suspiciously like the bride, was holding the bouquet above her head with a triumphant look on her face. The rest of the crowd let out sounds of disappointment, but the bride was laughing, and so was her husband.

A wave of anger hit Historia like a wall of flames and she bit down hard on her tongue. A coppery taste filled her mouth as she continued to watch the scene before her. They were kissing now, the newlyweds, to the great delight of the crowd. After a few moments, they broke apart, but their eyes never left each other, and neither did the smiles on their faces. Happiness was practically radiating off of them, and why should it not? They were young, they were in love, they were going to spend the rest of their lives together without fear of one or the other becoming titan food the very next day. Neither would ever see a titan in their lives, most likely.

Historia balled her fists as she rapidly blinked away the tears that had gathered in her eyes. Some people did not realise just how lucky they were.

Without a second glance at the happy gathering she turned and walked in the direction from which she had come, rage churning in her stomach. There was no need to continue her day out. The life outside of the castle was not for her, and she knew it, even if she liked to pretend she did not.

 

By the time she crawled through the window of her royal chambers, the rain was coming down hard enough to obscure the vision of the guards. Historia was soaked to the bone, but the cold was merely a small spot in her sensory periphery, although she could not name the feeling that had replaced the anger and now overtaken her completely.

A lot of things were not for her. In that moment – in most moments since Ymir had stroked her hair and apologised before taking off and throwing herself at the mob of titans devouring the Armoured – happiness seemed like one of them.

 

 

 **5.**  
When Hange had handed over a slightly crinkled letter with no words but an explanation of its origin and an appropriate courtesy, Historia had been worried. When they had then bowed and left, the feeling grew exponentially.

Historia had stared at the letter for several minutes before opening it, and nearly burst into tears when she saw her name – her real name – at the top of the page in that horrible scrawl she recognised clearer than her own.

The letter itself had felt short, even though it was not, having held nowhere near the amount of information Historia wanted. She knew about Ymir’s past, yes, but her future was still shroud in mystery.

That is what she had told herself then, at least. Lying in her too large and too soft bed in the dark as she did now, truths she did not want to face were becoming clear.  
Once again pushing the thought aside, Historia turned and drew the heavy comforter around her closer. Thinking would make no difference.

An owl let out a low hoot outside her window. Hunger, Historia thought. Winter had come early that year after all.

She turned again, and with a thump that sounded almost deafening in the darkness of her chamber, Historia’s body hit the floor.

She made no move to get up or even settle into a more comfortable position, simply lay on the floor and allowed the cold to seep through the thin fabric of her nightgown. Only her eyes moved, settling on the nightstand on which she had put the letter before going to bed. For a short moment, she felt the urge to read it once more, but the feeling went as quickly as it had come. After all, there was no use. She had lost of count of how many times she had reread the letter. She could recite it, did anyone ask her to, the words and nearly unbelievable information they described all but chiselled into her brain.

She had thought about demanding the assembling of a rescue party, but cast the idea aside a second later. The Survey Corps was almost lethally weakened, and they knew next to nothing about their enemies. There was nothing she could do. No way for her to -

 

_” - fight with this.”_

_Silence fell over the assembly. Only the nearing sound of titans could be heard through the dark._

_Reiner was the first to speak. ”What are you planning, Ymir?”_

_The woman in question turned to face him. ”Who knows? I’m not even sure myself.” With those words she approached Krista, who had stood in complete shock until that moment. She whispered her name, more of a reflex than anything else._

_Ymir’s hands landed hard on her shoulders, her fear evident in the gesture. Her eyes bore into Krista’s as she started to speak with a shaking voice. ”You’ve probably forgotten about it now - ”_

_She was interrupted by a tremor in the tower. The titans were approaching fast._

_When the tower once again stood still, the expression on Ymir’s face had turned almost rabid. ”- but this might be the end, so try to remember that promise we made training on that snowy mountain!”_

_And Krista remembered. Of course, she remembered; the cold of the wind, the warmth of Ymir’s body near her own, the weight of the body she’d dragged with her. The weight of Ymir’s words in her mind._

_The promise of living as herself when Ymir revealed her secret._

_”I have no right to tell you how to live your life,” Ymir continued, her fingers digging painfully into Krista’s shoulders. ”This is nothing more than a hope of mine.”  
_

__

__

_Dawn had arrived, its first lights illuminating Ymir’s face in the most breathtaking of ways. She was smiling now, fear nearly forgotten._

_”I want you to live a life you’re proud of.”_

_With those words, Ymir withdrew, walking determinedly to the other end of the roof._

_”Remember our promise, Krista,” she said and began to run._

_”Ymir! Wait!” Krista screamed, holding up her hands in a futile attempt to stop her, but Ymir ran straight past, planted her foot on the railing of the castle and_ jumped.  


_Krista threw herself after her, holding out a hand as if she could grab the other and drag her to safety. She watched in horror as Ymir in the middle of the fall took the small knife Connie had given her to her palm._

_And exploded in a sea of lightning._

_Krista’s breaths stopped as she watched a skeleton grow out and around her beloved, burying her in the flesh that quickly grew from it._

_Ymir was no longer human when she hit the titans, claws first, a loud growl piercing the air. She moved quickly, slicing and punching in every and any direction. The titans around her were falling, and more than a few evaporating, but always more took their places. Some of the bigger ones held out their arms, as if to catch her, but she was too fast, too agile for them._

_It almost looked like she was dancing. A dance of death, with the mindless titans as the paying audience._

_Pride swelled up in Krista’s chest, and she rose to the railing, no more thoughts given to the danger of falling that had been so evident before. She raised her arms towards the sky and screamed in joy. Her Ymir was beautiful. Her Ymir was invincible. Her Ymir was saving them._

_Around her, the rest of the group was assembling, some shouting at her to get down, but she paid them no mind. She was floating on ecstasy, all thoughts of impending death forgotten._

_Then, another sound broke through, a loud bang, and the entire tower shook as it was hit by another tremor. Krista felt herself lose her balance -_

 

\- falling. Historia’s eyes flew open, but quickly shut again as the first light of the morning hit her.

She was not falling. She was lying down, on something hard and still. The floor. Of course.

Stiffly, she sat up and rubbed her arms. She was sore all over and cold to the bone, the night spent curled up on the floor having been very unkind to her body.  
A soft knock on the door grabbed her attention.

”Your Majesty?” a muffled voice from the other side asked for the second time, ”are you awake?”

Historia cleared her throat. ”Yes. But … can you give me a few moments?”

”Of course,” the servant said.

Historia waited until she could not hear the woman’s footsteps anymore before attempting to stand, mentally thanking her years of military training. Slowly, as not to strain her abused muscles, she made her way to the nightstand, fingers softly caressing the piece of paper on it before grabbing it and settling into the nook by the window. She pulled the curtain aside and peaked outside, taking in the snow covered landscape.

With a small smile creeping onto her face, Historia let the curtain slide back before once again turning her attention to the letter in her lap.

 

 

 **+1.**  
Ymir did not struggle as the soldiers pushed her to her knees. She made no sound as they forced chains around her wrists and pulled them tight enough to stop the blood flowing to her hands. She did not move when a young man, perhaps her age, perhaps older, stepped into the cave with a determined look on his face. She merely watched in silence as he was approached by an older military woman and given a small box. The two exchanged words she could not hear, and could not find it in her to care about, and the young man bowed. The woman left, the remainer of soldiers in the cave following.

They were alone now.

The young man looked up at her with something she could easily misname as hate in his eyes. Or perhaps it was pity. Not that it mattered; neither had much choice in this situation.

Ymir watched disinterested as the young man opened the box. He took out a syringe and a small bottle of fluid before setting it back down in a small nook in the side of the cave. He shot a quick glance in Ymir’s direction before extracting the fluid into the syringe, discarding the bottle neatly when done.

Ymir closed her eyes, bringing forward a picture she had saved in her mind long ago – a blonde girl with bright blue eyes and a smile easily mistaken to be kind. Her Krista. Her Historia.

She could do this for her.

When Ymir opened her eyes again, the young man was standing in the middle of the room, holding the end of the syringe to his arm. The expression on his face was one of nervousness, and Ymir would have laughed if the situation had been different.

The young man took a deep breath and pushed the needle down, forcing the liquid to enter his body. Immediately afterwards he threw away the empty syringe and fell to his knees with a groan, hands clasping on his head. A shiver ran down Ymir’s spine as she watched him transform.

The titan was unimpressive, merely a few meters taller than his human form, but grotesque in its physique. Its mouth did not look much bigger than Ymir’s head.  


With an almost whailing sound, the titan turned its head in her direction as if sensing her presence. Their eyes met, and Ymir had to choke down a scream. There was nothing even remotely human in those eyes.

The titan stood up with the grace of a newborn calf and staggered towards her.

Ymir quickly shut her eyes -

 

_\- as blue as the sea she had never seen. But Ymir had, and even in the relative safety behind the walls, she found herself drowning. Everything about Krista was beautiful, and her eyes were no exception._

_Ymir leaned forward, brushed a loose lock away from the girl’s face and -_

 

\- let out a scream. The titan was only a few meters from her now. She could hear, she could feel, its breathing, loud and fast, fast, faster.

Or was that her own?

Ymir swallowed and tried to take a deep breath. She had to be strong now, she had to be.

The titan lifted out an arm to -

 

_\- wrapped them tightly around her. Ymir could feel her breathing being restricted, but hugged back just as fiercely. Krista hid her face just above her right breast and Ymir could feel her -_

 

\- tears sliding down her face. She violently choked down a sob. The hands holding her squeezed even tighter and she felt a few ribs crack. The pain was overwhelming, and for a merciful few seconds her vision was gone. When she came back to, it was to the view of an opening mouth closing in on her.

Ymir bit her lip, tasting blood, and shut her eyes so hard it hurt. The smell of the titan’s breath hit her and she gagged. A sickening warmth surrounded her head as her breathing escalated. Tears were once again welling up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She refused -

 

_\- to let them die. Ymir swung her arm again, sending yet another small titan flying away from the tower. Another took its place, a larger one, and Ymir jumped, landing safely on its back. With a quick flick of the wrist, her claws ripped open its nape._

_A scream pierced the air, and Ymir looked up at its source, at the young girl standing on the small railing of a dilapidated tower, screaming her lungs out in victory. Ymir’s heart swelled with -_

 

\- fear. The tears were rolling down her face as she sobbed, unable to contain the feeling. Her body was rebelling against her, her mind in chaos -

_Historia!_

\- and it only got worse as the titan’s jaws began closing down. Ymir felt the beginning pressure on her head, and with what felt like the last power in her body she wrestled against the chains, but to no avail. There was no use in fighting. Instead, she tried desperately to dwell back into her memories, to allow herself one last moment of bliss before it was all over, but panic had completely overtaken her, and she could barely register one broken thought -

_Historia!_

\- before pain, a much greater pain than she had ever felt, erupted in her head. Her eyes bulged out, and she could feel blood running down the side of her face.

_Histori-_

The titan’s jaws closed down, and she could do nothing but scream.

**Author's Note:**

> (i'm on tumblr @nevercaughtbyghosts)


End file.
